Monday, November 27, 2006
Smil gave me a frwn
Smil is an xml markup language. Basically, it tells video files what to do, kind of like a playlist. The only prob being, it doesn't transition smoothly between video files as I'd like. So I've either got to figure out how to command flash to do my bidding via XML, OR, figure out a better way to make Smil transition properly between video elements. I guess I could always white flash for a few frames and do it cheezy, but then there's no gaurentee that the video won't be jittery. I'm going to do some research into flash playlisty stuff with XML. Wish me luck!
Things I'm thankful for
So on this post-thanksgiving black friday, let me breakdown exactly what I'm thankful for, and provide perspective on why I'm thankful for such things.
a) Trials
Weird choice to be first, eh? I've had my share of life trials, and I'm sure they'll continue. For now, they've seemed to subside, but I expect they'll be back.
b) Spirit
the spirit, and as a subset my spiritual life in general. The spirit of God is how I try to live my life. When I ask questions, He answers through the fruits of the spirit [Gal. 5:22]
b) Family
Kind of a subset of trials sometimes =) but family is the first material thing I'm thankful for. Over the last year, I've come to understand more how I need my family. I need them, and I can't live without them.
c) the Internet
Greatness! Creating opportunities that didn't exist before. With the Internet, I've had a bunch of opporunities I wouldn't have had, had I lived even five years prior. Big ups the internet, and all my internet dawgs (Jason C, Peter R, Ryan B (All Three of em) C.K. S)
d) Nathan Nelson
Enabling my dreams, just like the internet. He's seemingly come out of no where, and now as a big advisor for me, he's helping me achieve my dreams.
By the way, my eyes are this crazy shade of red, because I was coughing so hard my blood vessels burst. Sorry for the imagery.
This blog post took a long time, so I'm also breaking down other thoughts: Cinemax has all six star wars episodes!!! IN HD!!! Yeah, I want it now.
a) Trials
Weird choice to be first, eh? I've had my share of life trials, and I'm sure they'll continue. For now, they've seemed to subside, but I expect they'll be back.
b) Spirit
the spirit, and as a subset my spiritual life in general. The spirit of God is how I try to live my life. When I ask questions, He answers through the fruits of the spirit [Gal. 5:22]
b) Family
Kind of a subset of trials sometimes =) but family is the first material thing I'm thankful for. Over the last year, I've come to understand more how I need my family. I need them, and I can't live without them.
c) the Internet
Greatness! Creating opportunities that didn't exist before. With the Internet, I've had a bunch of opporunities I wouldn't have had, had I lived even five years prior. Big ups the internet, and all my internet dawgs (Jason C, Peter R, Ryan B (All Three of em) C.K. S)
d) Nathan Nelson
Enabling my dreams, just like the internet. He's seemingly come out of no where, and now as a big advisor for me, he's helping me achieve my dreams.
By the way, my eyes are this crazy shade of red, because I was coughing so hard my blood vessels burst. Sorry for the imagery.
This blog post took a long time, so I'm also breaking down other thoughts: Cinemax has all six star wars episodes!!! IN HD!!! Yeah, I want it now.
Confidence
I've got a post in the queue about thankfulness, so I'll get to that momentarily (sometime today or tomorrow.)
In the meantime, let me unleash a little rage that's been building up inside of me.
No one has my back in this life.
I'm starting a business. When I hear things like "You don't have to quit your dayjob," or "That's great and everything, but it's always good to be secure," it's a backhanded compliment at best, and a strike at who I am at worst.
The only person who believed in me is gone now. My brother ryan once wrote me a letter that said something to the effect of "No one said I could do radio. I did it. No one said I could do sports TV. I did it. Everyone said there wasn't any money in MMA. I found it. You can do it if you want to. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." He also gave me a keepsake watch that says that to me every time I look at the time.
I'm doing it, and if it takes me closing my ears/eyes from all of my family and friends, I'll do it. I'm going to live my dreams. You can't stop me, so please try to be supportive and see the same vision I do. If I fail, what happens? I get another regular job. Stop pulling me down with your negativity. This isn't a little pet hobby project, it's my life. If you disrespect what I'm doing, it's disrespecting me directly. I'll still love you and everything, but you know, when you get torn down on things that are so close to your heart, you only stay open and take the punishment so much.
In the meantime, let me unleash a little rage that's been building up inside of me.
No one has my back in this life.
I'm starting a business. When I hear things like "You don't have to quit your dayjob," or "That's great and everything, but it's always good to be secure," it's a backhanded compliment at best, and a strike at who I am at worst.
The only person who believed in me is gone now. My brother ryan once wrote me a letter that said something to the effect of "No one said I could do radio. I did it. No one said I could do sports TV. I did it. Everyone said there wasn't any money in MMA. I found it. You can do it if you want to. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." He also gave me a keepsake watch that says that to me every time I look at the time.
I'm doing it, and if it takes me closing my ears/eyes from all of my family and friends, I'll do it. I'm going to live my dreams. You can't stop me, so please try to be supportive and see the same vision I do. If I fail, what happens? I get another regular job. Stop pulling me down with your negativity. This isn't a little pet hobby project, it's my life. If you disrespect what I'm doing, it's disrespecting me directly. I'll still love you and everything, but you know, when you get torn down on things that are so close to your heart, you only stay open and take the punishment so much.
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Paying for hosting!
Wow everyone! Huge milestone today... as my site paid for it's own hosting.
Lemme give you a minute for that to sink in. I've made a whopping $8 off of my site.
Yeah, that's right. $8. That's three different ad networks combined.
$8 per week, $40 per month! Not too shabby of a start! Now I've just got to make sure my site continues to rock.
If you haven't checked it out yet, what are you waiting for?!
http://www.techcheckdaily.com
Lemme give you a minute for that to sink in. I've made a whopping $8 off of my site.
Yeah, that's right. $8. That's three different ad networks combined.
$8 per week, $40 per month! Not too shabby of a start! Now I've just got to make sure my site continues to rock.
If you haven't checked it out yet, what are you waiting for?!
http://www.techcheckdaily.com
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Calacanis to leave AOL?
Wow.
If you come here for my insightful and interesting life, please pause for a moment while i discuss some geek-related news.
Tech Crunch drops the bomb, says my former boss, Jason Calacanis, is leaving Netscape/AOL.
Do I believe it?
Yes.
If you look at his blog posts over the last little bit, he's drifted away from the social news angle he once held. Now, instead, he seems to be posting a lot about wikipedia and Jimbo, arguably wikipedia's founder.
I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say he's thinking about starting some sort of wiki-related service. A wikipedia competitor? Doubtful, although it may work. I think he's on to something with placing ads on wikipedia to donate to charity. Don't know how it'll work, but if one thing is certain, Jason can get it going.
The real question is: if J.C. leaves AOL, can he still host his blog on Blogsmith? Better yet, can I host my blog on blogsmith? =)
If you come here for my insightful and interesting life, please pause for a moment while i discuss some geek-related news.
Tech Crunch drops the bomb, says my former boss, Jason Calacanis, is leaving Netscape/AOL.
Do I believe it?
Yes.
If you look at his blog posts over the last little bit, he's drifted away from the social news angle he once held. Now, instead, he seems to be posting a lot about wikipedia and Jimbo, arguably wikipedia's founder.
I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say he's thinking about starting some sort of wiki-related service. A wikipedia competitor? Doubtful, although it may work. I think he's on to something with placing ads on wikipedia to donate to charity. Don't know how it'll work, but if one thing is certain, Jason can get it going.
The real question is: if J.C. leaves AOL, can he still host his blog on Blogsmith? Better yet, can I host my blog on blogsmith? =)
Startup Checklist
If you couldn't tell by my last few blog posts, I'm obsessed with my new internet startup, Tech Check Daily.com. What do you think of it so far?
Alex, bound to be internet famous at some point for his and Gavin's eMurse, pointed me to a startup site targeted toward software developers, but good advice for any small business starting out. Lets see if my startup requirements fit.
1) If there is no business model, its a hobby, not an idea.
Yay! I've got a biz model that some say will grow consistently for twenty years.
2) The best ideas make your customers money.
Blast! Sorry guys, I'm the rich one.
3) If you're going B2C, look for revenue models that don't come right from the consumer.
Check!
4) Revisit every bad idea every once in awhile
Mark Cuban tried broadcast.com in the late 90's, so I guess this would be a throwback to that era of webcasting... except a whole lot betta.
5)Do your best to create a system of recurring revenue.
"Advertising on websites and such is easy. " Check!
More later.
Alex, bound to be internet famous at some point for his and Gavin's eMurse, pointed me to a startup site targeted toward software developers, but good advice for any small business starting out. Lets see if my startup requirements fit.
1) If there is no business model, its a hobby, not an idea.
Yay! I've got a biz model that some say will grow consistently for twenty years.
2) The best ideas make your customers money.
Blast! Sorry guys, I'm the rich one.
3) If you're going B2C, look for revenue models that don't come right from the consumer.
Check!
4) Revisit every bad idea every once in awhile
Mark Cuban tried broadcast.com in the late 90's, so I guess this would be a throwback to that era of webcasting... except a whole lot betta.
5)Do your best to create a system of recurring revenue.
"Advertising on websites and such is easy. " Check!
More later.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Beta is the new Alpha....
www.techcheckdaily.com
That's the new gig. Ain't it cool? Yeah, I claim Beta, but i'm not anywhere near where I'd like to be. I've got three phases of public release. Alpha was going the last month or so. Beta is where I try to start attracting users. Gamma is where I quit my dayjob and make the site exactly how I want. 1.0 is when I've got people supporting me (financially or as employees.)
Roadmap for this project? Alpha -> now. Beta -> February/marchish. Gamma -> June 15th. V1.0 a year??? I don't know what the realistic development cycle for a website is, but hey, we'll find out.
Gamma has some awesome features potentially. That's what'll really cause a breakout of new users. Cume 20% growth is why I'd like till Gamma, then I'd take 10-15%. Then, I'll be really close to profitable.
That's the new gig. Ain't it cool? Yeah, I claim Beta, but i'm not anywhere near where I'd like to be. I've got three phases of public release. Alpha was going the last month or so. Beta is where I try to start attracting users. Gamma is where I quit my dayjob and make the site exactly how I want. 1.0 is when I've got people supporting me (financially or as employees.)
Roadmap for this project? Alpha -> now. Beta -> February/marchish. Gamma -> June 15th. V1.0 a year??? I don't know what the realistic development cycle for a website is, but hey, we'll find out.
Gamma has some awesome features potentially. That's what'll really cause a breakout of new users. Cume 20% growth is why I'd like till Gamma, then I'd take 10-15%. Then, I'll be really close to profitable.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Video hosting provider
Hey hey y'all...
Since I don't know who exactly reads this blog, i've got my requirements list for a videohosting provider... with one in particular in mind. Let me know if you know of any other hosting providers who could fulfill these requirements.
Main and primary requirement:
Seamless integration of video files. I want to be able to stack video back to back with literally NO GAP. NONE. AT ALL. Zero Frames. Nada.
Secondary requirement:
Stats tracking on all video elements played. Most obvious reason: ads. Would like associated tracking to be as detailed as possibile.
Tertiary requirement:
Creating a player with a manual playlist (IE daily or perhaps hourly shows) as well as players that can be created dynamically (permalinks, category pages, etc.)
Also, have a player that can syndicate part of a video (perhaps referencing the story's permalink player) or syndicate an entire video.
Oh yeah, and some sort of standards based podcasting solution with little or no intervention from me would be the awesomeness.
Help me out here!
Since I don't know who exactly reads this blog, i've got my requirements list for a videohosting provider... with one in particular in mind. Let me know if you know of any other hosting providers who could fulfill these requirements.
Main and primary requirement:
Seamless integration of video files. I want to be able to stack video back to back with literally NO GAP. NONE. AT ALL. Zero Frames. Nada.
Secondary requirement:
Stats tracking on all video elements played. Most obvious reason: ads. Would like associated tracking to be as detailed as possibile.
Tertiary requirement:
Creating a player with a manual playlist (IE daily or perhaps hourly shows) as well as players that can be created dynamically (permalinks, category pages, etc.)
Also, have a player that can syndicate part of a video (perhaps referencing the story's permalink player) or syndicate an entire video.
Oh yeah, and some sort of standards based podcasting solution with little or no intervention from me would be the awesomeness.
Help me out here!
Friday, November 10, 2006
Changing the game
If I told you I was planning on changing the way we see indie video on the web, would you believe me?
Didn't think so.
Looks like we'll have to see how it goes, but I think by next June, you'll look back at this blog post and either A) say "Randall was really thinking!" B) "What a smarmy butthole" or C) "He tried, but too bad he failed."
Either way, I'm happy enough. I'm going to create a job I love on the side, and try to bring it to me full-time. Lots of dependent variables, but the one constant: I want my life to rule, so it's going to. End of story. Let's hope that a ruling life will include some extra cash on the side, but that's not a primary motivator.
My new project goes into beta on Monday... I'll tell you more then.
Didn't think so.
Looks like we'll have to see how it goes, but I think by next June, you'll look back at this blog post and either A) say "Randall was really thinking!" B) "What a smarmy butthole" or C) "He tried, but too bad he failed."
Either way, I'm happy enough. I'm going to create a job I love on the side, and try to bring it to me full-time. Lots of dependent variables, but the one constant: I want my life to rule, so it's going to. End of story. Let's hope that a ruling life will include some extra cash on the side, but that's not a primary motivator.
My new project goes into beta on Monday... I'll tell you more then.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
What's happening with me
I noticed I haven't posted in quite a while, but I've got some exciting news coming. I'm starting a business, and while I haven't given any details to anyone yet, I'm planning on launching next monday in Beta, with a full launch coming in June.
What else... what else.... New MacBooks! I'm a little excited about them.
I can't think of what else to post, but I'll post more later.
What else... what else.... New MacBooks! I'm a little excited about them.
I can't think of what else to post, but I'll post more later.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Disillusioned
I'm having a hard time right now. I'm really glad I didn't end up becoming a local news producer or reporter, although that puts me at a loss for career choices. I decided I can't handle all the murder, death and sad stories anymore. Graphics are one thing, but right now it's really hard for me to hear any of these sad freaking stories, because of my personal experience right now. I still want to be a tech reporter, but I'm not going to do any local news.
You'll see my plan soon.
You'll see my plan soon.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Poyntered....
Wow... I gues Poynter does know how to use Technorati.
Me on Poynter.
Me on Poynter.
OK, I've only seen one instance of this, so I can't say it's a trend. But it really cracked me up.
Randall
randallatnyc.blogspot.com
Blogger "Randall" from New York City.
Excerpt from a July 13 blog posting by "Randall" -- "I don't mean to go all Poynter on everyone, but seriously... like every CNN lead to reporters is 'What's the latest steve?' Aren't there more effective leads to reporters than 'In Haifa, CNN reporter Ben Wheadaman is live. Ben... What's the latest?...'"
This is the cultural zeitgeist, dear colleagues. Poynter has been reduced to a neurosis. Our unraveling continues...
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Personality tests
So I took a personality test.
the snapshot:
messy, outgoing, open, self revealing, ambivalent about chaos, not good at saving money, social, likes large parties, likes to stand out, risk taker, quick to make friends, does not like to be alone, rash, fame seeking, sarcastic, social chameleon, assertive, not a perfectionist, anti-authority, thrill seeker, likes to fit in, reckless, emotionally sensitive, leisurely, trusting
They put these, but I don't agree with them. What do you think?
unpredictable, craves attention, low self control, food lover, not rule conscious, weird,
The big picture:
Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
the snapshot:
messy, outgoing, open, self revealing, ambivalent about chaos, not good at saving money, social, likes large parties, likes to stand out, risk taker, quick to make friends, does not like to be alone, rash, fame seeking, sarcastic, social chameleon, assertive, not a perfectionist, anti-authority, thrill seeker, likes to fit in, reckless, emotionally sensitive, leisurely, trusting
They put these, but I don't agree with them. What do you think?
unpredictable, craves attention, low self control, food lover, not rule conscious, weird,
The big picture:
| Advanced Global Personality Test Results
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Monday, October 02, 2006
Radiohead Phase 2.0
I went through a Radiohead (the band, btw) phase about five-ish years ago. For some reason, when I'm sorting through a lot of crap, it calms me or something. It's really good music to kind of pop in when you've got some philosophical issues to work through, or when you're feeling melancholy in general. I'm back to The Bends, the album that captivated me originally (Sorry, OK Computer was all about Karma Police when i was listening the first time around.) Kind of fun to put together a playlist called "Sappy" with people like Radiohead, Foo Fighters gentle stuff and Badly Drawn Boy (with some Ben Folds mixed in for good measure.) Blah.
Back from Vegas today! Vegas was pretty fun, but you know, it's vegas and gets old quickly. A one-day trip is a little short, but not by too much. I worked for the MTN TV network (Nevada V UNLV, in case you were wondering.) I heard a rumor from some of my friends in the TV freelancing world that if you head to the ESPN zone, you can get a discount if you say you're a freelancer. We'll see next time I'm in Vegas, which is probably the Saturday after Thanksgiving, with potential for the Friday and Saturday.
Back from Vegas today! Vegas was pretty fun, but you know, it's vegas and gets old quickly. A one-day trip is a little short, but not by too much. I worked for the MTN TV network (Nevada V UNLV, in case you were wondering.) I heard a rumor from some of my friends in the TV freelancing world that if you head to the ESPN zone, you can get a discount if you say you're a freelancer. We'll see next time I'm in Vegas, which is probably the Saturday after Thanksgiving, with potential for the Friday and Saturday.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
On the edge...
So I've been on the edge of a lot of things lately. My emotions have been on the edge, I'm on the edge of going crazy, and sometimes my posts are on the edge of making sense (like this and the prior post.) Now for some clarity into my life, and what I'm doing.
I'm switching TV stations as of Monday. I'm no longer in the KSL Blue... now I've moved over to the red side and joined KUTV. I'm still a graphic artist, but I think that's really something I can excell in, without having to advance my career as much. Do I think it'll be useful for my career? Perhaps... but in the long run the real reason I took the job was the cash and the stability. KSL was an awesome place to work, and I'd recommend it to anyone in Utah. It's a great place with a ton of great folks, and if you're really interested in seeing people who care about their jobs, head there. The opportunity with KUTV leaves a lot of unknowns in front of me, but with a lot of answers in the near term. I know that after a few weeks, I'll love it, and hopefully they'll love me!
On the edge of Healthcare is something I'm really excited to be near. I've got to make all my benefits decisions within the next few weeks, and realistically that makes me stoked. I'm doing the 401k thing, the benefits thing and maybe i'll try to get some brain health in there too.
I'm also on the edge of having my life be great. Right now, it's going ok. I'm the only person who can make it be great, and I'm finding that pretty difficult right now. It's still hard (really hard) for me to go through all this stuff with my brother. He was someone who I used as a blueprint for my own life, and it's hard for me to deal with it. It's hard for me to watch UFC fights, although it's somewhat thereputic as well. It's really hard for me to visit my brother's family... because they all mean so much to me, and when they say things like "you look like daddy" or anything that deals with the "D" word, I about lose my mind and start bawling. I can't really deal with this world right now, and it drives me crazy.
I'm on the edge of a lot of things, and while I've been on the edge of something that starts with S, I don't think it's really an option for me. I've been dealing with so much lately, when it gets late at night, I get pretty sad still. I think I'm bi-polar, and if someone could help me treat it effectively without making me feel all crappy and tired, I'd be pretty stoked.
PS-- Going to vegas next saturday for the UNLV game. Not the biggest vegas fan, but frequent flier miles! =) I've got enough for a trip for myself already. Anyone know how to spend frequent flier miles on things other than flights?
I'm switching TV stations as of Monday. I'm no longer in the KSL Blue... now I've moved over to the red side and joined KUTV. I'm still a graphic artist, but I think that's really something I can excell in, without having to advance my career as much. Do I think it'll be useful for my career? Perhaps... but in the long run the real reason I took the job was the cash and the stability. KSL was an awesome place to work, and I'd recommend it to anyone in Utah. It's a great place with a ton of great folks, and if you're really interested in seeing people who care about their jobs, head there. The opportunity with KUTV leaves a lot of unknowns in front of me, but with a lot of answers in the near term. I know that after a few weeks, I'll love it, and hopefully they'll love me!
On the edge of Healthcare is something I'm really excited to be near. I've got to make all my benefits decisions within the next few weeks, and realistically that makes me stoked. I'm doing the 401k thing, the benefits thing and maybe i'll try to get some brain health in there too.
I'm also on the edge of having my life be great. Right now, it's going ok. I'm the only person who can make it be great, and I'm finding that pretty difficult right now. It's still hard (really hard) for me to go through all this stuff with my brother. He was someone who I used as a blueprint for my own life, and it's hard for me to deal with it. It's hard for me to watch UFC fights, although it's somewhat thereputic as well. It's really hard for me to visit my brother's family... because they all mean so much to me, and when they say things like "you look like daddy" or anything that deals with the "D" word, I about lose my mind and start bawling. I can't really deal with this world right now, and it drives me crazy.
I'm on the edge of a lot of things, and while I've been on the edge of something that starts with S, I don't think it's really an option for me. I've been dealing with so much lately, when it gets late at night, I get pretty sad still. I think I'm bi-polar, and if someone could help me treat it effectively without making me feel all crappy and tired, I'd be pretty stoked.
PS-- Going to vegas next saturday for the UNLV game. Not the biggest vegas fan, but frequent flier miles! =) I've got enough for a trip for myself already. Anyone know how to spend frequent flier miles on things other than flights?
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Holy poop.
Wow kids.
I'm leaving KSL.
Wow kids.
Engadget redesign.
That should pacify both of my main audiences. I'll post more later.
I'm leaving KSL.
Wow kids.
Engadget redesign.
That should pacify both of my main audiences. I'll post more later.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
I need a job. Badly.
Wow. I truly need a job... well more specifically health insurance. If you're an employer, looking for a true multi-tasker and multi-talent (writing, graphics, editing, producing, Internet content) with experience (Netscape.com and KSL-TV) you should email me right now.
jobs (at) randallatnyc.com
If you know anyone else who is hiring, that would rule too. Email me with any job prospects in the Salt Lake City area. I really need health insurance and college graduate level pay. Please, oh please, hook me up.
jobs (at) randallatnyc.com
If you know anyone else who is hiring, that would rule too. Email me with any job prospects in the Salt Lake City area. I really need health insurance and college graduate level pay. Please, oh please, hook me up.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Happy? Nah... Sad? Definetely not.
I get a lot of people checking in on me, wondering exactly "how I'm doing..." or "hey, heard you had a seizure, hope you don't die!" I'm here to clear up exactly how I'm doing.
I'm Ehh. When I say Ehh, it's not "I'm doing bad, investigate further" but it's also not "Holy crap, I just moved to New York, my life feels perfect!" It's exactly what it sounds like. Yeah, my brother died a few months back. I'm still not really over it. I've got a lot of emotional issues to work out... and PS, I'm concerned about my family. I recently moved back from New York to live with my sister so we could be a support structure for each other. I was very concerned from afar about how my family was doing, and I decided its most prudent for me to be back in Utah. Utah isn't working out that well yet either, between the low pay, under appreciated feeling, job switcheroo and udder lack of health benefits, I'm not that happy to be here.
Honesty isn't necessarily what people are looking for when they check up on me, and when they show concern, it almost makes me want to lie to some extent. I don't know how anyone can help me, I don't know what you personally can do for me, but the fact that you care about me enough to call is enough. Know that when I respond "I feel really crappy today," you replying with "well, regardless of how you're doing, I still love you and care about how you're doing daily. I know things can be grey, but they'll look up," is a good answer, as long as its sincere. Sincerety is all I desire. I don't need someone to fix my problems. They're not going to be fixed easily. You caring about me though, will go a long way. Probably a longer way than you think.
Big ups to people who care about me. It really means a lot to me. If you read this blog and haven't emailed in a while, hit me up. I've got a real easy email address... it's yourname@randallatnyc.com . Email me, ping me, call me and say hi. I want to know how you're doing.
[completely unrelated]
Oh, and this just came across my RSS reader: Nintendo Wii launches November 15th for $250. I wish I had some cash. Maybe i'll save some money.
I'm Ehh. When I say Ehh, it's not "I'm doing bad, investigate further" but it's also not "Holy crap, I just moved to New York, my life feels perfect!" It's exactly what it sounds like. Yeah, my brother died a few months back. I'm still not really over it. I've got a lot of emotional issues to work out... and PS, I'm concerned about my family. I recently moved back from New York to live with my sister so we could be a support structure for each other. I was very concerned from afar about how my family was doing, and I decided its most prudent for me to be back in Utah. Utah isn't working out that well yet either, between the low pay, under appreciated feeling, job switcheroo and udder lack of health benefits, I'm not that happy to be here.
Honesty isn't necessarily what people are looking for when they check up on me, and when they show concern, it almost makes me want to lie to some extent. I don't know how anyone can help me, I don't know what you personally can do for me, but the fact that you care about me enough to call is enough. Know that when I respond "I feel really crappy today," you replying with "well, regardless of how you're doing, I still love you and care about how you're doing daily. I know things can be grey, but they'll look up," is a good answer, as long as its sincere. Sincerety is all I desire. I don't need someone to fix my problems. They're not going to be fixed easily. You caring about me though, will go a long way. Probably a longer way than you think.
Big ups to people who care about me. It really means a lot to me. If you read this blog and haven't emailed in a while, hit me up. I've got a real easy email address... it's yourname@randallatnyc.com . Email me, ping me, call me and say hi. I want to know how you're doing.
[completely unrelated]
Oh, and this just came across my RSS reader: Nintendo Wii launches November 15th for $250. I wish I had some cash. Maybe i'll save some money.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Pointless thoughts
So.... pointless thoughts on september 11th.
I, like all Americans, am pretty bummed out by today. I don't know if I feel like crying because of my brother, my connection to new york or my connection to all americans. It's difficult to pinpoint feelings of sadness, but ultimately it doesn't really matter why I'm sad, why I'm happy, but more or less it just matters that I (we) keep growing and moving forward.
I had more to say, but... it doesn't really matter. Remember today always, and don't forget other major days, like 4/20 and 12/7. If you don't know what happened on those days... look it up today and remember the brave americans who died.
I, like all Americans, am pretty bummed out by today. I don't know if I feel like crying because of my brother, my connection to new york or my connection to all americans. It's difficult to pinpoint feelings of sadness, but ultimately it doesn't really matter why I'm sad, why I'm happy, but more or less it just matters that I (we) keep growing and moving forward.
I had more to say, but... it doesn't really matter. Remember today always, and don't forget other major days, like 4/20 and 12/7. If you don't know what happened on those days... look it up today and remember the brave americans who died.
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