Disillusioned

I'm having a hard time right now. I'm really glad I didn't end up becoming a local news producer or reporter, although that puts me at a loss for career choices. I decided I can't handle all the murder, death and sad stories anymore. Graphics are one thing, but right now it's really hard for me to hear any of these sad freaking stories, because of my personal experience right now. I still want to be a tech reporter, but I'm not going to do any local news.

You'll see my plan soon.

Poyntered....

Wow... I gues Poynter does know how to use Technorati.

Me on Poynter.

OK, I've only seen one instance of this, so I can't say it's a trend. But it really cracked me up.

Randall
randallatnyc.blogspot.com
Blogger "Randall" from New York City.
Excerpt from a July 13 blog posting by "Randall" -- "I don't mean to go all Poynter on everyone, but seriously... like every CNN lead to reporters is 'What's the latest steve?' Aren't there more effective leads to reporters than 'In Haifa, CNN reporter Ben Wheadaman is live. Ben... What's the latest?...'"

This is the cultural zeitgeist, dear colleagues. Poynter has been reduced to a neurosis. Our unraveling continues...

Personality tests

So I took a personality test.

the snapshot:
messy, outgoing, open, self revealing, ambivalent about chaos, not good at saving money, social, likes large parties, likes to stand out, risk taker, quick to make friends, does not like to be alone, rash, fame seeking, sarcastic, social chameleon, assertive, not a perfectionist, anti-authority, thrill seeker, likes to fit in, reckless, emotionally sensitive, leisurely, trusting

They put these, but I don't agree with them. What do you think?
unpredictable, craves attention, low self control, food lover, not rule conscious, weird,

The big picture:

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Stability |||||||||||| 43% Orderliness |||||| 30% Accommodation |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Interdependence |||||| 30% Intellectual |||||||||||||||||| 76% Mystical |||||| 30% Artistic |||||||||||||||| 63% Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Hedonism || 10% Materialism |||||||||| 36% Narcissism |||||||||||||||||| 76% Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 63% Work ethic |||||||||||||||| 63% Self absorbed |||||| 30% Conflict seeking |||||| 30% Need to dominate |||||||||| 36% Romantic |||||||||| 36% Avoidant |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Anti-authority |||||||||||||||| 70% Wealth |||| 16% Dependency |||| 16% Change averse |||||| 23% Cautiousness |||||| 30% Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70% Sexuality || 10% Peter pan complex || 10% Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Physical Fitness |||||| 30% Histrionic |||||| 23% Paranoia |||||||||||| 43% Vanity |||||||||||||||||| 76% Hypersensitivity |||||||||| 36% Female cliche || 10%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Nobody's watching part deux

Radiohead Phase 2.0

I went through a Radiohead (the band, btw) phase about five-ish years ago. For some reason, when I'm sorting through a lot of crap, it calms me or something. It's really good music to kind of pop in when you've got some philosophical issues to work through, or when you're feeling melancholy in general. I'm back to The Bends, the album that captivated me originally (Sorry, OK Computer was all about Karma Police when i was listening the first time around.) Kind of fun to put together a playlist called "Sappy" with people like Radiohead, Foo Fighters gentle stuff and Badly Drawn Boy (with some Ben Folds mixed in for good measure.) Blah.

Back from Vegas today! Vegas was pretty fun, but you know, it's vegas and gets old quickly. A one-day trip is a little short, but not by too much. I worked for the MTN TV network (Nevada V UNLV, in case you were wondering.) I heard a rumor from some of my friends in the TV freelancing world that if you head to the ESPN zone, you can get a discount if you say you're a freelancer. We'll see next time I'm in Vegas, which is probably the Saturday after Thanksgiving, with potential for the Friday and Saturday.

On the edge...

So I've been on the edge of a lot of things lately. My emotions have been on the edge, I'm on the edge of going crazy, and sometimes my posts are on the edge of making sense (like this and the prior post.) Now for some clarity into my life, and what I'm doing.

I'm switching TV stations as of Monday. I'm no longer in the KSL Blue... now I've moved over to the red side and joined KUTV. I'm still a graphic artist, but I think that's really something I can excell in, without having to advance my career as much. Do I think it'll be useful for my career? Perhaps... but in the long run the real reason I took the job was the cash and the stability. KSL was an awesome place to work, and I'd recommend it to anyone in Utah. It's a great place with a ton of great folks, and if you're really interested in seeing people who care about their jobs, head there. The opportunity with KUTV leaves a lot of unknowns in front of me, but with a lot of answers in the near term. I know that after a few weeks, I'll love it, and hopefully they'll love me!

On the edge of Healthcare is something I'm really excited to be near. I've got to make all my benefits decisions within the next few weeks, and realistically that makes me stoked. I'm doing the 401k thing, the benefits thing and maybe i'll try to get some brain health in there too.

I'm also on the edge of having my life be great. Right now, it's going ok. I'm the only person who can make it be great, and I'm finding that pretty difficult right now. It's still hard (really hard) for me to go through all this stuff with my brother. He was someone who I used as a blueprint for my own life, and it's hard for me to deal with it. It's hard for me to watch UFC fights, although it's somewhat thereputic as well. It's really hard for me to visit my brother's family... because they all mean so much to me, and when they say things like "you look like daddy" or anything that deals with the "D" word, I about lose my mind and start bawling. I can't really deal with this world right now, and it drives me crazy.

I'm on the edge of a lot of things, and while I've been on the edge of something that starts with S, I don't think it's really an option for me. I've been dealing with so much lately, when it gets late at night, I get pretty sad still. I think I'm bi-polar, and if someone could help me treat it effectively without making me feel all crappy and tired, I'd be pretty stoked.

PS-- Going to vegas next saturday for the UNLV game. Not the biggest vegas fan, but frequent flier miles! =) I've got enough for a trip for myself already. Anyone know how to spend frequent flier miles on things other than flights?

Holy poop.

Wow kids.

I'm leaving KSL.

Wow kids.

Engadget redesign.

That should pacify both of my main audiences. I'll post more later.

I need a job. Badly.

Wow. I truly need a job... well more specifically health insurance. If you're an employer, looking for a true multi-tasker and multi-talent (writing, graphics, editing, producing, Internet content) with experience (Netscape.com and KSL-TV) you should email me right now.

jobs (at) randallatnyc.com

If you know anyone else who is hiring, that would rule too. Email me with any job prospects in the Salt Lake City area. I really need health insurance and college graduate level pay. Please, oh please, hook me up.

Happy? Nah... Sad? Definetely not.

I get a lot of people checking in on me, wondering exactly "how I'm doing..." or "hey, heard you had a seizure, hope you don't die!" I'm here to clear up exactly how I'm doing.

I'm Ehh. When I say Ehh, it's not "I'm doing bad, investigate further" but it's also not "Holy crap, I just moved to New York, my life feels perfect!" It's exactly what it sounds like. Yeah, my brother died a few months back. I'm still not really over it. I've got a lot of emotional issues to work out... and PS, I'm concerned about my family. I recently moved back from New York to live with my sister so we could be a support structure for each other. I was very concerned from afar about how my family was doing, and I decided its most prudent for me to be back in Utah. Utah isn't working out that well yet either, between the low pay, under appreciated feeling, job switcheroo and udder lack of health benefits, I'm not that happy to be here.

Honesty isn't necessarily what people are looking for when they check up on me, and when they show concern, it almost makes me want to lie to some extent. I don't know how anyone can help me, I don't know what you personally can do for me, but the fact that you care about me enough to call is enough. Know that when I respond "I feel really crappy today," you replying with "well, regardless of how you're doing, I still love you and care about how you're doing daily. I know things can be grey, but they'll look up," is a good answer, as long as its sincere. Sincerety is all I desire. I don't need someone to fix my problems. They're not going to be fixed easily. You caring about me though, will go a long way. Probably a longer way than you think.

Big ups to people who care about me. It really means a lot to me. If you read this blog and haven't emailed in a while, hit me up. I've got a real easy email address... it's yourname@randallatnyc.com . Email me, ping me, call me and say hi. I want to know how you're doing.

[completely unrelated]
Oh, and this just came across my RSS reader: Nintendo Wii launches November 15th for $250. I wish I had some cash. Maybe i'll save some money.

Pointless thoughts

So.... pointless thoughts on september 11th.

I, like all Americans, am pretty bummed out by today. I don't know if I feel like crying because of my brother, my connection to new york or my connection to all americans. It's difficult to pinpoint feelings of sadness, but ultimately it doesn't really matter why I'm sad, why I'm happy, but more or less it just matters that I (we) keep growing and moving forward.

I had more to say, but... it doesn't really matter. Remember today always, and don't forget other major days, like 4/20 and 12/7. If you don't know what happened on those days... look it up today and remember the brave americans who died.

Seizure!

Hey,

Had a seizure again.

Weird times in the life of Randall.

Don't know what it means / what's wrong with me / if I should go to the doctor or not. This one was a lot different than the one before. Could be hypoglycemia, or could be that I'm still crazy.

I also got these weird blotches underneath my eyelids.

Anyway, now I'm going to look for jobs that have healthcare, as I am in genuine need of it.

Hint Hint....

Hey,

If I say I'm angry, that means listen to what I have to say. Don't provide feedback. If I'm depressed, then provide motivating helpful feedback. If I'm angry, I just want to talk to hear myself talk and get it off my chest. Even if what you're saying is completely valid, chances are that I've already thought of it, and you saying it doesn't really help me out.

Not a slight at anyone in particular, but this is definetely a useful code for the future.

Cars.

2005 Chevrolet Malibu Base 4D Sedan White 34,346
2004 Mitsubishi Lancer Evo 4D Sedan Silver 31,847
2001 Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder GT 2D Convertible Black 67,023
2004 Pontiac Sunfire SE 2D Coupe Gold 2D 18,584
2003 Mitsubishi Eclipse GS 2D Coupe Silver 53,645
2004 Mitsubishi Lancer ES 4D Sedan Silver 35,135
2004 Dodge Neon SXT 4D Sedan Red 43,206
2005 Chevrolet Cavalier Base 4D Sedan Blue 53,467
2004 Dodge Neon SE 4D Sedan Silver 46,568
2003 Oldsmobile Alero GL 4D Sedan Silver 36,304
2002 Mitsubishi Diamante VR-X 4D Sedan Black 47,883

Blah. Buying cars isn't a very fun activity, but I sure am glad I can buy from an auto auction. I'm expecting to spend no more than $9,500 total including tax, licensing, etc.

Good times!!! I am excited.

PS-- I called it.

Check this post, and notice the last line.

so I'm bracing for some tough issue that is about to be thrown my way.

I've often told people that I knew something HUGE was coming in terms of my personal life, and I had way too many blessings and things going my way.

I knew something was coming, but I thought it would be something easier. Wow. I was wrong.

One reason why SLC > NYC

So I've pretty much used the tired ol' "I hate Salt Lake, I love New York" phrase too much over the past two weeks. Now, I'm going to tell you why SLC kind of rules.

Internet speed.

Verizon says they're rolling out FIOS to NYC residents, but certinaly not in my former Manhattan residence. However, Comcast has already offered me 8 Mbit internet for $33/month, and Utopia is on the horizon [15 mbit fiber for $40.]

Haha NYC. Eat that, old infrastructure.

Financial / other new york lessons

So I've moved, I don't know if you heard. I'm back in Utah and am going to help my sis out with some issues she's got (and vice versa.)

This is airing out my dirty laundry for financially how I spent my new york life, in an effort to save other people from the same fate.

As my collegues on the Engadget Podcast always used to council, wait to buy consumer electronics devices. While they were counciling more along the lines of, "Wait till the next version comes out, it's going to rock!" I'm counciling more along the lines of, "Wait till you can afford the next version."

Life lessons I've learned: Life isn't constant, nor is it easy. Don't expect everything to stay the same as it has been, because I gaurentee it won't stay the same. I had just gotten to a point in my New York job / life where things were evening out. I had all the furniture I needed, all the consumer electronics I needed, and I was just about to start settling down for some good ol' credit payments. Then May 31st hit. My brother died. In the immediate term, nothing changed. I came back to New York two weeks later, kept collecting the same paycheck I had before, and nothing was really different. BUT, that was before I realized the full impact of my brothers death not only on his wife and kids, but my other brothers and sisters.

I'll post more later.

Note to Cingular potential customers

So... I hate Cingular. I like GSM, and I liked the phones I had [both stolen/lost] but unfortunately Cingular's subpar customer service and expensive rate plans mean now that I'm back in the west, I'm back with t-mobile. I know its going to cost me $175 to switch to t-mobile, and I know this means I've spent over $1,000 on cingular phones/service fees, but its really worth it.

For my mobile dollar, T-mobile is the best. That's all there is to it. $1,000 later, I can confedently state that T-mobile = the bomb.

OK GO!

I've always really dug OK GO, well at least Get Over It!, and now their new song kind of catchy, plus the video is probably one of the coolest videos i've seen in a bit. AND.... they're using the internet to market effectively.

Case in point:

OK Go - "Here It Goes Again" Buy OK Go - Oh No at iTunes.



Freaking crazy, eh?

Info

Hey,

I'm going to be out of pocket for the next little while [three days.]

I'm purposfully avoiding the internet as a method of cleansing my soul.

I'm getting on a plane, heading to fresno, and not touching a computer till Sunday.

That's the plan anyway.

If you need to get a hold of me... [646] six seven zero 1291.

Later!

[ps, congrats potentially to Jason who may or may not have been married in the month of July.]

Thriving under pressure

So I've come to learn a couple key things about myself over the last 12 hours.

#1--I've got something wrong with me where I don't need to eat.

#2--I thrive under pressure.


I'm getting on a plane in 9 hours, haven't packed yet [going to try to sleep on the flight...] and my final graphics are just now rendering.

For some reason, cutting it close isn't a matter of choice, its a matter of necessity. I seem to solve problems more creatively when I've got a deadline monkey on my back. I think that's what I miss about TV sooo(ooo) much. I love the idea of having nothing at 11pm, but then putting on a two hour show at five am.

Now, i'm going to be tired/hungry for a few more hours. I may end up picking up some food somewhere, but I'm not quite sure where yet.

Later,

Randall